Give us this day our daily drug/s of choice

Give us this day our daily drug/s of choice
by
Robin Hall

I will call this the first day of the rest of my life or the beginning of the end. I drank the last three ounces of vodka at 2:20 AM, smoked a Kool and am sitting here wondering if a visit to Lucifer's or Suzanne's liquor stores will go down later in the day. Suzanne's was closer and won.

Can you feature that, HAVING to choose each day whether to drink or not, whether to smoke or not and the daily grind just to swim or sink? That is the trial I will talk about here and the trial visitors have observed from the start.

Just now I looked at the wall in front of my computer. There are two 3 X 5 cards that pertain, others that do not. One has the date of my first AA meeting I went to. It was last year, 12 9 06.

The other card lists my first day without alcohol, 11 21 6, the day I tried detox the second time. This day was crossed out. The new sober day was 3 29 7 and it is crossed out. Its now 4 23 7. I failed. I should cross myself out.

Maybe this time will be different? LOL. I first tried to delete the alcohol Dec. 2005 in a short VA detox. Well done me AND VA. I was drinking again 2 days later.

Next try was Dec. 2006 in a local detox, 17 days worth. The doc STATED something like this, "You are in the best place for you and that dual-diagnosis hospital in KY is not certified." I suspect fowl play.

I was without alcohol for 4 months after that BUT began smoking, again, after 35 years. Plus, I have some serious bills from that doctor plus LOTS of Valium, celexa galore and you don't want to know how many seroquel I will soon have from other sources. Talk about LD-50.

Now isn't this a merry go round? All those years without tobacco, then I slide back into smoking within 3 days while in detox for alcohol. Now the coughing has begun in earnest.

Coughing. What fun. My mother and the moron she married were smokers. I got to cough a lot while with them. Oh, bronchitis it was called, from second hand smoke and gas heating.

I am stuck with two addictions, maybe three, sugar.

WTF, sugar? Does 1/2 gallon of ice cream for breakfast count? Time will tell and so will I.

These are my notes: dumb de dumb dumb for all of you old enough for the reference to Dragnet's theme.