Quotes, Sayings, Rhymes and Other Foolishnesses

Quotes, Sayings, Rhymes and Other Foolishnesses
by
Robin Hall, and Others


I hope at least some of these amuse you. They are what I make up or paraphrase, from time to time, or what I collect.



The depth of your shallowness amazes me.

He wasn't playing with a full deck of cards and even those were marked.

"A waist is a terrible thing to mind." Betty J. Ross Used in Alfred: Three is Company Too.

Money may not buy love but it can certainly rent happiness.

A pig in your day keeps the doctors away. Used in Alfred: 3 is Company

Pigs are people too and vice versa.

He had a lot more dollars than sense. Used in Alfred: 3 is Company

"YOU MY FRIEND ARE IN ANOTHER WORLD BUT THAT IS ALLRIGHT BECAUSE THEY KNOW YOU THERE."
RAYMOND MACE

It doesn't pay to work for free.

The only thing money can't buy is poverty.

If heartbreakers/jawbreakers break hearts, what do wind breakers do?

Insanity has its drawbacks.

Its too bad that getting one's beauty rest rarely works.

Beauty is not just seen with the eyes, it is felt by the heart.

Absinthe makes the heart grow fonder.

Life is full of obstacle illusions -Grant Frazier

He was so stupid he played Russian roulette with an automatic.

"When you are a child, no one tells you the price tag on your dreams." Mike Hammer.

" Not everything that can be counted counts, and not everything that counts can be counted." Einstein

A day without chocolate is like a, a...Hmm, how would I know I don't have any of them?

You are never too old for dreams but don't wait too long to do something about them.

If there was just a single perfect item in the whole world, who would know?

If you are watching a pot with water, and waiting for trouble, would they combine and neither one happen? How would we know?

How would you know if you were losing your memory or hallucinating?

I have fillings and caps older than you.

If I was a drinkin man, I would be.

If you are presented with the problem: is the glass half full, or half empty, be creative. Tell the person to supply the missing information and answer their own question.

Study the past, live in the present, prepare for the future.

Life is a nightmare and its very early morning.

Whats a young whippersnapper? Why don't we hear of old ones? Where do the young ones go? And what is a whippersnapper anyway?

Whoever said, "Life begins at 50," was probably 47 and wasn't poor.

Whoever said, "Life begins at 50," lied.

Sometimes we never know where we are headed. The only stumbling block is doing nothing.

Snorfle says, "It doesn't hurt to be alert."

"If at first you don't succeed isn't acceptable for skydivers." Unknown

"She wasn't clever enough to be a simpleton." Unknown.

"It's frustrating when you know all the answers, but nobody bothers to ask you the questions.

"If you can remain calm, you just don't have all the facts."

I finally got my head together, and my body fell apart." Unknown

Sanity is a state of mind some folks spend more time in than other folks do.

"The supreme happiness of life is the conviction that we are loved." Victor Hugo

"Etiquette is what you are doing and saying when people are looking and listening. What you are thinking is your business." Virginia Cary Hudson

Arising in the morning is exhausting and has its drawbacks.

Sing with me your songs, I'll share with you my dreams. Used in Kitten Dreams.

"Anything is good if you like it." Willie Mae Smith

Love is a two way street. Don't be a road hog.

Having multiple personalities is good. After all, everyone is entitled to change their mind.

"Power corrupts. Absolute power is kinda neat." Unknown

Beer. Its the next best thing to having a life. or to having dsl. or ISDN.

"I THINK WE SHOULD LOOK AT THIS WORLD IN WONDERMENT AND WITH THE ZEAL OF
A 6 YEAR OLD.I THINK IT WOULD BE A BETTER WORLD." Raymond Mace

Keep the best leave the rest.

Attention doesn't cost, it pays so pay attention.

Ronald Reagan was an attractive president and a decent actor.

Many are called. Few are there when the phone rings.

"Always listen to your heart it never lies --------only we lie to ourselves ASK THE QUESTION, WHAT WOULD LOVE DO? That's always the answer." Reverend Wayne ?__?

Skookum: HUGE Big etc.

"Go with the people who believe in you." Brenda Beadenkopf

If ignorance is bliss, you must be in paradise.

Remember your dreams, forget your nightmares.

Remember your dreams. Its fun.

Dreams are your hopes. Remember them.

Do what you can with what you have. Accept the results.

Damp, dark and dirty. Roaches delight, people's fright.

"Stress is when you wake up screaming & you realize you haven't fallen asleep yet" Unknown

If you can't be clever, be brief.

"MY MOTTO FOR THE WEEK IS TO NOT WHINE SO MUCH. BUT ITS' SOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
HARRRRRRRDDDDDDDD" Mary Pulliam

My second coffee of the day is beer.

The ties that bind must come from the heartstrings.

Don't be pig headed. Hey, why not? Pigs are fun. OK, be pig headed but don't be obstreperous.

If you are down in the dumps, make dumplings.

If you have the blues, sing them loudly for all to hear and take comfort from them.

If you can't do what you want, do what you must or what you can.

" It's like magic. When you live by yourself, all your annoying habits are gone!" Merrill Markoe

NOTHING is foolproof, believe me, I know.

"It's never too late to have a happy childhood." Tom Robbins

A mind is a terrible thing to lose.

You can't fast forward in real time.

Memory is good.

"I've come to accept my own silliness and feel more peaceful doing so." H. Jones

S/he was clock stopping ugly.

When you put your foot down, make sure you don't step on anyone's toes, including your own.

Snorfle says: "Wow, you can do something no one else in the whole wide world can do, be yourself."

Shampoo is wasted on a hairless head.

A good whiz / poo is worth a field of broccoli.

"One tequila, two tequilas, three tequilas, floor." Unknown but probably from Conch Republic

Sanity is tricky. Keeping it is a life time job.

"There are good giggles and great giggles but no bad giggles." Snorfle

Sausage is a full time food.

"Heaven is the place where, when you get there, all the dogs you ever loved come running to greet you." Robert B. Parker

She was the sort of woman who would make you limp, and like it, and come back for more.

The ties that bind must come from the heart strings.

"Ah, red and fine summer! I would love it, if not [for the ] a heat and a dust, and mosquitoes, and the flies…". The Russian writer Pushkin

When someone says, "Let sleeping dogs lie," what sort of lies do sleeping dogs tell?

"I see your IQ test results were negative." Unknown

Errors have been made. Others will be blamed. Life goes on.

Chaos and panic, my work here is done.

Is it time for your medication or mine?" Unknown

"If I'd been a ranch, they would've named me Bar Nothing." Rita Hayworth in "Gilda" (1946)

"We're fools whether we dance or not, so we might as well dance." Japanese Proverb

If jawbreakers break jaws, what do windbreakers do?

I respect your right to be a fool.

"Although the moon is only 1/6 the size of the Earth, it is further away." Unknown

Drink the fifth, then plead the fifth. You can't go wrong.

"One reason a dog can be such a comfort when you're feeling blue is that he doesn't try to find out why." Unknown

"My dog is worried about the economy because Alpo is up to 99 cents a can. That's almost $7.00 in dog money." Joe Weinstein

As snug as a pig in a rug.

A pig is worth a thousand words or more.

A fart by any other name smells the same.

A pig in the hand is worth 3 in a tree. Hmmm. Maybe not. Three pigs in a tree is a very rare thing but so is a nice pig in the hand.

Don't buy a pig in a poke. The pig is probably scared, and what is a poke anyway?

Pigs make the heart grow fonder.

"I haven't done enough lately to justify my existence." Betty J. Ross

"Poverty us no disgrace to a man, but it is confoundedly inconvenient." Sydney Smith

"Very few people can afford to be poor." George Bernard Shaw

"For every talent that poverty has stimulated it has blighted a hundred." John Gardner

"In terms of genes, we are 99 percent the same as mice." MARIO CAPECCHI, University of Utah

"NO ONE is so crazy that he cannot find and even crazier person who will understand him." Friedrich Nietzsche

The only general principles are corporal ones.

"Beware: too much ice cream may shrink your pants." Unknown

"Only Irish coffee provides in a single glass all four essential food groups: alcohol, caffeine, sugar, and fat." Alex Levine

As long as you are regular, there is hope.

"Fiber will make you free." Unknown

"Life is short, eat dessert." Unknown

What happens when time runs out? Where do we go for more time? Are there time banks or ATMs?

"Never miss a good chance to shut up." Unknown

"Knowledge is the most creative part of the craftsman's skill." A craftsman of Samarkand

"Dare to do less." Roger Ebert in At the Movies

He stood out like a race horse in a corral of gnus.

"The day I do quit, I'll be trying." Liza Minnelli

"Born to be mild." Unknown

Being stupid requires very little thought.

Don't be a pig, be yourself.

He had champagne tastes and a beer belly.

Sincerity is the realist form of flattery.

Heed the calls of nature lest you forget the sound.

We perceive the world but darkly in the shadow of our minds.

The price of sanity is reality.

The price of sanity is sobriety.

How does one distinguish between a conscious decision not to do something and simply forgetting?

For some people a mess is simply a logical disarray.

Think first, ask questions later.

If necessity is the mother of invention, laziness is its father.

The brain is the substance of the mind.

How can someone else know you if you don't know yourself?

Confusion is simply the inappropriate recognition of a problem.

God states the obvious. Humans draw conclusions. Shame on us.

Nature states the obvious. Humans draw conclusions. Shame on us.

"She had a black belt in shopping." Robert B. Parker

She was in a shopping coma.

He was so drunk he tried to eat pussy with chopsticks.

What do you call marijuana you have hidden? Peek a boo.

If silence is golden that woman is a pauper.

My grip on reality is speculative.

Toys are the tools of play / childhood.

Tears are the rivers to the soul.

I came, I saw, I shopped. These two would be funnier in Latin.
I came, I ate, I farted.

Memory is good.

Crystal is the interface between conscious reality and the atomic level.

Poverty is expensive for the poor.

Hermits need love too.

"An economist is an expert who will know tomorrow why the things he predicted yesterday didn't happen today." Evan Esar

“Is the glass half empty, half full, or twice as large as it needs to be?” Anon

Meals eaten in silence, nourish twice.

"Money is the root of all evil, and a man needs roots." Unknown

We tried. You lied. I cried. Love died.

"A man is basically as faithful as his options." Chris Rock

A less messy and time consuming hobby like just drinking beer and spirits would be MUCH easier, but NO, I wanted deserts like pie, cake, cookies and ice cream too...

Confusion reigns and I am drenched.

Beauty helps us all transcend barriers.

Let bureaucrats, politicians and statesmen [follow in the footsteps of beauty.]
or
Let bureaucrats, politicians and statesmen follow where beauty leads, and observe the changes.

Where there is beauty in nature, there is hope. Preserve beauty, preserve hope, but let beauty die

"If a man says something in a forest and his wife doesn't hear him is he still wrong?" Unknown

How can you tell the difference between a conscious decision not to do something and simply forgetting?

Style is the substance of form.

"Only elephants should wear ivory." George Page, Nature

"Art, it seemed to me, had sought in all ages to provide a language for the mute longing of the divine within us." Herman Hesse

Money may not be the key to happiness, but poverty IS a padlock.

"If I see something sagging, dragging or bagging, I get it sucked, tucked or plucked." Dolly Parton on her love of cosmetic surgery

For every action there is an equal, and usually annoying reaction.

Ancient Chinese pedagogical technique, tea ching.

Loss of nutrients, lea ching.

My family was so poor its coat of arms was a jacket.

In the end, the measure of a human is in dollars and sense, deeds and responsibilities.

Its a jungle out there, and a tangle in here.

Dying is the least of my worries.

Its good to have someone to talk to, even if its yourself.

A life magician is someone who lives life to the fullest without hurting others.

Wind by any other name, smells the same.

A pig in the hand is worth 3 in a bush / tree. Maybe not though. Three bush / tree pigs are very rare.

We live only by a thread of connection to the solidity / reality we think we have.

If you fall over and no one is around, is there a tree in the forest and does anyone care if it makes noise?

Tomorrow is another day. But so was today and yesterday. Did I miss something?


Jenny crack whore and I don't care.
Jenny crack whore and I don't care.
Jenny crack whore and I don't care.
The pipe done blowd us away.



"What flavor of crazy Kool-Aid do they make you drink when you join the physics department." Numbers TV show

For a few, "Ignorance is bliss." For the rest, bliss could simply be ignorance. Wouldn't that be sad?

"Don't get me horny, I'm too sleepy." Unknown, OK, Debbie somethingorother

"I used to eat a lot of natural foods until I learned that most people die of natural causes." Unknown

Stupidity reigns and I am soaked. or Insanity reigns and I am drenched.

So much nonsense, so little time.

Don't use the psych ward, detox or rehab as a dating service.

Being a fool has few advantages.

"Money talks. Chocolate sings." Unknown

I stopped talking to myself. No one was listening.

"A deaf husband and blind wife make a good marriage." Unknown

You know you are lost when cold vodka and simple syrup tastes GOOD.

I was watching SG-1. They entered a deserted town on some planet and quipped, "This place is deader than a salad bar in Texas."

Life should come with a better instruction manual than I ever got.

"A fool and his money are easily parted" but how many fools HAVE money and what sort of low life motherfucker would steal from a fool? I bet your family is very proud of you con "artists".

If only is a lifetime.

Its hard to go wrong with a second layer of cheese.

" In West TX, 20 pickups outside a joint spells quality." Tony Bourdain

The Food Network is like socializing without the need for people.

As you get older, its best to pee before its too late.

"If you are slower than me, stupider than me and taste, good pass the salt." Anthony Bourdain passing along a quote while eating goose.

Is intellectual moron a disability? LOTS of regional news readers and commentators qualify.

Man cannot live by vodka alone. No, you must also have a good multi-vitamin, extra C, chocolate and cinnamon toast.

Vinegar and garlic in foods seem to produce sweat.

Potato chips taste better than most anything, even chocolate most of the time, for me. I am embarrassed when I purchase them, yet, there is no one here to be embarrassed for so its a waste of energy.

"Was I that forgettable?" Unknown

I never met a chocolate I didn't like.

"Snow is not a wolf in sheep's clothing its a tiger in lambs clothing." Desmond Begley in The Snow Tiger

If you can't disagree with your friends, who WILL listen?

You have nothing to fear but fear itself, and public speaking.

"The world is full of sluts on skates." From the movie All the King's Men.

On being sober. "Multi-tasking is once again possible. There is no such thing as multi-tasking while drunk."

AA sayings: "Get naked inside." In the meetings and "Recovery is an inside job."

"If at first you don't succeed, isn't acceptable for skydivers." Unknown

4 14 7 ??

4 24 07

"Cheap" often comes at a price.

"Knowledge is the most creative part of a craftsman's skill." Abduguffar Khakkulov, a craftsman from Samarkind.

He was like a race horse in a corral of gnus

5 11 7

"Sorry I can't write now [ more or less ], I am up to my eyeballs in FEMA trailers." H. M. Simpson

"The key to success to sincerity. When you can fake that, you have it made." Unknown


Depression is living on the edge of the hurricane of emotions that never get sorted and you are about to hit land.


5 31 7


"Pussy is half priced the next 15 minutes." From Deadwood HBO series. Ian McShaine

6 3 7

"My grandpa quit his job as a pharmacist and started a toothpaste company in London. In England. Talk about optimism." Natalie, on Monk

6 4 7

"Do you really think your psychiatrist is the best judge of who you should sleep with?" 2.5 Men, Charlie Sheen talking to his du jour.

6 15 7

At my age, any day you make it to the loo in time is a good day. Some are not as good as I want.

06/16/2007

The, Oh My Factor. On The Unit, top sargeant has to work with an attractive woman in a foreign country. He says, Oh my, when they meet and he KNOWS he will have sex with her.


06/23/2007

It annoying when someone's ego exceeds their intellect.

If its funny you should like it.

Steven Wright's When the Leaves Blow Away routine: This is an entire comedy ballet in another dimension that I REALLY wanted to be in and I got very close.

07/05/2007

The world is not as sane as I need it to be. I wish I was sane enough for it but am not.

07/07/2007

"If you come to a fork in the road, take it." Unknown


07/12/2007

These days, its tricky to fool everyone but yourself.

07/14/2007

"Our lives shorten by about 1 day every 24 hours. It was ever so." Penny Clarke

07/17/2007

So many toys, so little money.

07/22/2007

I wonder how much safer cars could be if the design engineers of lift bras for A and B cups went into car suspension?

07/23/2007

Drinking jello shots is not a game but you will lose.


07/26/2007

I'm making a list, checking it twice, gonna find out who's naughty or nice. Heh, heh, heh, motherfuckers. Guess who's houses Santa is visiting this year?

07/27/2007

Just as I suspected, horseshit directly from a horse.


07/28/2007

"My earrings are killing me and I'm in a really bad mood." From the movie Desparate Hours.

07/30/2007

A night in New Orleans was worth a week at any other city.